Continued from previous post.
Heather took one look at my ass and took me to the Mayo in Jacksonville. That probably frightened me more than anything. It was a little over an hour ride in the car, the longest I had sat in a week. Except I really wasn't sitting. I had both feet firmly on the floorboard, pushing up, trying to levitate my ass off the seat. I was mostly successful, but the bumps in the road were all too exciting.
We got to the emergency entrance a little after 10 that night. There was a lot of construction so it was a little confusing. We told the nurse who was doing admitting that I had fallen and injured my ass, and we got the eyebrow. Practically the full one eyebrow Spock treatment. Fair enough. After a short wait, where I chose to stand, we were sent back to one of the little rooms "for some privacy".
After some more questions about how and when this had happened and a brief visual assessment the ER staff immediately punted. Again, somewhat alarming. They admitted me and sent me up to a room upstairs. While we got settled they were so concerned about infection they gave me an IV antibiotic right then, even though there was apparently only the smallest indication that there might be any infection at all. That was one of my biggest worries as well. Rightly so considering I had an open wound in a particularly bad neighborhood.
Once we were settled it was time for a more thorough inspection. As requested, I got on my stomach with my butt in the air. Heather's helpful suggestion that access to the area in question would be improved if I was I was on all fours was politely ignored by the doctors, but I swear at least one nurse was nodding her head. I looked back over my shoulder at the crowd that had gathered behind my ass. As my eyes scanned the faces of the the two doctors and at least three interns, there were various states of interest, distraction, and indifference. But there was this one intern who was clearly regretting the life choices that led her to be in this room at this time. I'm sorry to be the one to get you to switch specialties.
Here's what you don't want to hear in an emergency room in the middle of the night. "Huh... you mind if we take a picture of that?". They wanted to send it to the head of the department to see if she needed to come in now, a stern Scottish woman I had the pleasure of meeting in the morning. At least that's what they told me. Let me know if you see something on Facebook.
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